


Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad?

by AlyssaMilitia



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Mild Language, Post-Labyrinth, pampered crybaby Jareth, tumblr inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-03-31 03:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3962500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssaMilitia/pseuds/AlyssaMilitia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah wishes her parents would stop asking her if she's found a boyfriend.<br/>Inspired by a casual encounters craigslist ad that is taking tumblr by storm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A gift to my friend [DirigibleDetective](http://archiveofourown.org/users/DirigibleDetective) who has written a really long friend fiction about the two of us. Time I returned the favor a little. c:
> 
> Based on this: [ Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad?"](http://janewithawhy.tumblr.com/post/113931372093/imagine-your-otp)

Sarah slammed her phone down on the receiver and let out a frustrated snarl. “Goddamn it!” Sarah flew into the kitchen and poured herself a gin and tonic - heavy on the gin. She stomped back into her living room and slumped down into her easy chair. The afternoon light filtered into her apartment from the busy New York streets outside. What time was it? Three pm? Eh, it was 5 o’clock some where. Sarah took a big swig of her drink. Karen had been hounding her about dating and ‘finding a nice boy’ since she was fifteen. Now her mother was breathing down her neck as well. For the past six months all of the ‘authority figures’ in Sarah’s life had been calling and dropping not-so-subtle-hints about her finding a man. It was getting really really annoying.

It wasn’t like Sarah was a spinster! She was twenty three, for fucks-sake! You’d think that they’d be happy for her. She had graduated from college five months ago with a degree that didn’t guarantee a job - a BA in Creative Writing - but had managed to find a job the week after graduation. And it paid enough that she could afford a one bedroom apartment in downtown New York. In a decent part of town too! Do you know how fucking lucky that is? Fuck! But no! Goddamn parents wanted grandchildren like nine months ago. She just finished one huge milestone. College was rough! Couldn’t she have some time to just figure out her life? Her relationship with Karen and her parents had been amicable for the past eight years and this was a major strain on their relationship. Why was everyone suddenly so eager to pawn her off on any grubby dude who came along?  

“Fuck that.” Sarah grumbled. She was already half way through her drink. “I wish I could show up with an absolute asshole and piss them all off. That’d show em.”

Sarah felt a slight breeze brush through her hair. Weird. All her windows were closed.

“I can be that asshole.” A voice said from above her.   Sarah looked up to see the Goblin King leaning over the back of her chair to give her a beaming smile.

“Ugh.” Sarah downed the second half of her drink and stood up. “No, Jareth. Go away.” She made her way back to the kitchen to make another gin and tonic.  

“Aw, come now.” Jareth pouted at her retreating form and then quickly moved around the chair to take her vacated seat. “I’m an excellent date!”  

Another groan could be heard coming from the kitchen. “Why do you always show up when I wish for something dumb? You don’t show up when I wish for a million dollars.” She came back to the living room and frowned at him. “Move - that’s my chair.” She made a shoo-ing motion with her hand and the Goblin King obliged - after more pouting - and moved to the nearby sofa. Sarah sat back down in her chair.  

“Because Sarah, that wish would be boring.” Sarah snorted and Jareth frowned. “I’d much rather be your ‘absolute asshole date’ and meet your parents.”

“No!”

“Please?”   
  
“No.”

“Why?”

“Cause I said so.”   “You realized that you made a wish, correct? I could just show up at your next family function and claim to be your partner. Wouldn’t it be better if we worked as a team?”

Sarah was quiet for a moment. “Would you actually do that?”

“Only if you force me to.”   
  
Sarah took another sip. Fuck. Why did he do this? He always showed up randomly - she didn’t call on him specifically. I wish the goblins would take you away. She asked for that one...I wish I could show up with the goblins to a family dinner. Huh. She should have wished for that - that would have been more interesting. Maybe she could try that million dollars wish again. She sat and thought for another minute and then sighed. “Prove it.”   

“Prove what?” Jareth quirked an eyebrow.

“Prove to me that you could be a horrible fake-boyfriend who would get my parents off my back.” Sarah took another swig. Day drinking always got her in trouble.

Jareth smiled - his pointy teeth were looking particularly predatory today and that made Sarah uneasy. “Well, the Fae - my race - have always had a proclivity for mischief. It’s almost part of our biological makeup.”  
  
  “Is mischief your middle name?” Sarah mumbled.

Jareth continued as if she hadn't spoken. “Because of this I would have no qualms about distressing your family - in fact it would be my pleasure. I could openly flirt with other female guests while you pretend to be oblivious. Male guests too if you’d like.”   
  
Sarah had been mid-sip and Jareth’s comment made her laugh but then she choked on her drink and sputtered. Jareth gave her a concerned look but when she recovered she said, “I’m not sure how many other guests would be at any event - it would probably just be family. You would be hitting on my step-mother and father.”

“Is that unacceptable?”

  “No that’s fine. Just wanted you to be aware. You look about their age anyways.”  

“Excuse me?”  
  
  “What?”    
  
“I look to be the same age as your parents?”    
  
“Well…Yeah.” Sarah quirked her head to the side and squinted. “You look about forty. That’s pretty close. They are in their early fifties. That’ll really piss em off. They’ll want me to find someone in my own age range.”     
  
“I should take that as a compliment - as I am much older than forty years old - but it feels like I should be offended.”

“Oh you should be!” Sarah exclaimed. “But please continue anyways.”   
  
 Jareth frowned and grumbled a bit before continuing. “I can begin instigative discussions about politics and religion.”  
  
  “Do you know anything about human politics or religion?”  
  
  “No, but nothing is more infuriating than someone who believes an uneducated opinion is the correct opinion.”  
  
  “True.”  
  
“I could propose to you in front of your family.”

“No!” Sarah sat up a little straighter. “Absolutely not.” She didn’t feel like getting tricked into some weird Fae-marriage.

Jareth smirked. He didn’t really think he was going to get away with that. “I can pretend to become more and more intoxicated as the evening progresses.”

“Pretend?”

“Do you really want a Fae actually drunk at your family event?”    
  
“No, I suppose not.” She suddenly felt self conscious about being two drinks in at three in the afternoon.

“Lastly, I could start a physical fight with a family member or guest. Either inside or outside - perhaps on the lawn for the neighborhood to see?”

“I don’t think we will need to be quite that drastic. I don’t actually want you to fight my dad.”

The two of them were quiet for a few minutes. Silently staring at each other, both thinking and sizing the other up.

“What’s in it for you?” Sarah finally asked.

“Nothing but your company and perhaps a free meal I might receive as a guest.”

“No tricks?”

“No tricks.”

“And no dragging me down to the Underground?”  

“Perhaps, but not on this occasion. No.”

Sarah glared at him. In your dreams, buddy. How would this even work? When was she going to see her family next? She glanced at the calendar on the wall. Oh! It was already mid-October. November was next month. She’d be seeing her parents for Thanksgiving and probably at home. That could be interesting. She turned to the Goblin King. She really shouldn't drink this early in the day. “Does next month work for you?”

Jareth’s smile was so big he was practically beaming - it almost hurt to look at him. “Yes, of course. What event will I be attending?”

“Thanksgiving dinner, probably.” She swirled the melting ice in her glass. “I don’t have details yet but I should know in the next week or so.” That would mean more phone calls with her family and she didn’t want to put up with their nagging for another month and a half.

One minute Jareth was on the sofa and the next he was on both knees in front of Sarah holding her empty hand in both of his. Sarah went completely still and made wary eye-contact with Jareth. “Call for me when you have more information about our plot.”

“It’s not a 'plot'. Maybe a 'scheme', but not a 'plot'.” Sarah tried to tug her hand away - no luck. He held on. “And how do I contact you?”   Jareth lowered his head and lightly kissed the back of her hand. “Oh Sarah, you know how to contact me.” Then he was gone.

Sarah immediately slumped into her chair. “Do not.” She grumbled. She wiped some condensation from her glass to the back of her hand and then scrubbed it on her jeans. Trying to get his cooties off. She pulled her legs up on the chair and curled herself around them. Shit shit shit. What did she get herself into? Could she get another drink? Was three drinks by - 3:45? That’s it? Yeah, three drinks before four was probably too much.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re WHAT?!”

“Sarah, dear, calm down.”  
  
“I am calm!”  
  
“No you’re not, Sarah. Why are you making a big deal about this?”  
  
“Have Thanksgiving dinner at my place?” Sarah looked around her apartment. It was spacious - yeah - but her whole family all at once in the same place? 

“My apartment isn’t big enough for everyone.”

“Nonsense, Sarah. It’ll be fine. Oh, and I’m bringing Daniel.”

“Daniel?”

“Yes, Daniel. My boyfriend.”

“Mom, you realize Dad, Karen, and Toby will be there too, right?”

“Hmm? Yes, yes, yes. I’ve talked to them - they say it’s fine.”

Sarah was stunned. Linda Williams barely spoke to Sarah let alone her ex-husband. But some how they all agreed to come to visit her in the city for Thanksgiving this year? Something was up.

“So have you found a boyfriend yet?”

Ugh. That was it. Was this going to be some sort of singleness-intervention? One-on-one harassment wasn’t enough and now they were going to gang up on her? That was NOT going to happen.

“Actually, Mom, I have. And he’ll be at dinner too. Can’t wait for you to meet him - ok gotta run bye!” Sarah quickly hung up the phone. She’d leave her mom to be shocked and frustrated that she wasn’t given details.

What a way to start the morning. Sarah picked up her coffee which had been abandoned for the phone call. Still kinda warm. Whatever. She gulped it down and went to pour herself a second cup from the still hot coffee pot. Hmm...Her little outburst made it so that now she really had no choice. The Goblin King would have to be her dinner date. Damn.

She turned and slumped onto the edge of the counter. With a reluctant sigh she muttered, “I wish I could talk to the Goblin King.”

A second later a grumpy looking Goblin King was staring at her. His eyes were heavy and his hair wasn’t perfectly fluffed - in fact it was a little flat on one side. Like he’d been lying on a pillow two seconds ago. Without asking for permission, he started rummaging through her cupboards, pulled out a mug, and filled it with coffee. Sarah checked her watch. 6:45am. She usually had to be at work by 7:00am so she was used to rising with the sun. Clearly the Goblin King was not a morning person.

Jareth sat down at her kitchen table and glared at her. “What?”

Sarah beamed. What a grump! “Good morning, Sunshine!” She practically yelled and Jareth let his head fall on to the table as she sat across from him.

“Murnnin…” He grumbled. “Why did you call me at such an ungodly hour?”

“What, you can re-order time to mess with me but not to get yourself extra sleep?”

He looked up at her through his messy hair. “It doesn’t work like that.” He propped himself up on his elbows and took a sip of his coffee. “Why did you call?”

“You’re officially my date. And good news - you get to meet the whole family at once. Everyone is coming here for Thanksgiving dinner.”

Jareth smirked. “I expected you to attempt to get out of our deal.”

Sarah leaned into her hand. “Yeah I was going to, but I was talking to my mom and I got mad and  well… I lied and told her I had a boyfriend so now I need you.”

“Temper temper…” He mumbled and tried to nonchalantly drink his coffee. She glared at him. If looks could kill. He cleared his throat. “So what’s the plan?”

“My whole family had decided to visit me this Thanksgiving. My step-mom, Dad, Toby, as well as my mom and her new boytoy, Daniel.” She grimaced. “They will all get into town the day before. So they’ll settle into their hotels and I will go to the grocery store. Then they’ll come over early the next afternoon and help cook. Although since I’m apparently hosting I’ll probably have to do most of the cooking. Rude.”

“When do I come in?” Jareth asked.

“Uhm….Well we could do this two ways. We could have you there before anyone arrives so it looks like you’ve been helping. Then they’d have a good impression of you originally which you could then destroy. Or you could arrive late and look inconsiderate.”

“Do you need help?”  
  
Sarah looked up, “What?”

“Do you need help cooking?”  
  
“Uh...Well I guess I could use help, yeah.” She fiddled with her cup handle.

“Then I will arrive early and help you cook. And then I will flirt with your mother?”

Sarah barked out a laugh. “You don’t need to do that - cook, I mean - but if you want to help you can. And yes, flirt with my family. Just not Toby. Oh!” Sarah leaned forward. “Especially this Daniel guy. That’ll really bug my mom.”

“I can do that. I said I could start arguments. Any suggestions for topics?”  
  
Sarah thought for a moment. “Well the presidential election is coming up. My parents are Republicans, and lets be honest, no one who is socially aware likes those conservative bastards. So just say random negative things about Republicans. And I bet you could talk about the Underground as if it were a religion. That would be pretty interesting.”

Jareth thought for a moment. “Would that make me a god?”

“Uuugh.” Sarah threw a pillow at him. “Like your ego needs to be any bigger.”

Jareth gave her a wicked grin. “You said no physical fight, correct?”  
  
“Yeah, no. Unless someone swings at you first, no throwing punches. We’d just get the cops called on us.”

“Alright.”

They sat silently for a few moments. Sarah tapped her nails against her cup until as she thought. “Oh! I know!” She sat up and gestured towards Jareth. “You need to figure out some different clothes. Those would certainly get a reaction but they aren’t very...uh...in-fashion.”

Jareth looked down at his clothes. He’d gotten dressed quickly but he didn’t think he looked particularly unfashionable this morning. Billowing white poet’s shirt, open of course, tight black breeches, and knee-high boots. Oh well. He snapped his fingers and his clothes changed to something a little more - human.

Sarah choked on her coffee. “Jesus!” She stood up and pushed him forward to grab the back of his collar. “Fuck! That’s Armani!”  
  
Jareth sat back up and straightened his clothes. He had indeed changed into a charcoal grey Armani suit with a black shirt and tie. He’d even fixed his hair when he changed. He thought he looked good. “What? Too much?”

“Yeah it’s too much!” Sarah fell back into her chair. Damn. He looked good. “I want my parents to leave me alone but they’ll be begging me to marry you. You need to look more like me and less like the next New York senator.”

“Hmm..fine.” He thought for a moment and then snapped his fingers again. This time he had a pair of black levi’s, a white button up, which he was currently unbuttoning to match his usual look, and black oxfords. His hair was swept back into a low ponytail and seemed a little more tame.

“Better. You don’t look like an absolute deadbeat though.”

Jareth crossed his arms. “I refuse to dress poorly for any occasion.”  
  
Sarah signed. “Fine. That will work. They’ll hate the ponytail at least. They’ll tell you to get a hair cut. Watch out for scissors.” Jareth gasped and grabbed his hair and Sarah laughed and held up her hands. “Kidding kidding! You’ll be fine.”

Sarah grabbed their empty mugs and trotted back to the kitchen. She rinsed them in the sink and opened the fridge to find some breakfast. Jareth peeked in the kitchen behind her. “Are we finished?”

Not much in the fridge. Just half a carton of eggs. “Hm? Yeah, we’re square. Thanksgiving is in a month. I’ll call you again when it gets closer.”

Jareth leaned on the door frame. “And lets stay away from mornings.” Then he was gone.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Sarah mumbled. Spoil-sport.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on my real life experience of running across a jar of gefilte fish at the grocery store. Write whatcha know...
> 
> I thought this was only going to be three chapters but - here we are and I'm not done - so we'll see how it goes.
> 
> Please comment/critique and thanks to those who have commented!

Sarah shuffled through the grocery store leaning heavily on her cart. The store was blessedly empty this morning - even though it was the day before Thanksgiving. There were only a few others shopping this morning. However, the store was empty of both people and food. That’s probably why it was no one was there. It was cleaned out! Sarah didn’t feel like wandering around town searching for the last remaining turkey in New York. It was going to just be a very basic Thanksgiving. If she had to buy everything up front this year she was gonna buy whatever the hell she wanted.

Hmm...She was grumpy this morning. She’d told Karen and her dad she would meet them at the airport. She hadn’t realized that they had taken the cheapest - and most absurd - flight. They had arrived, with a grumpy Toby in tow, at 4:00am. That was early, even for Sarah. She had to wake up at 2:00am to have enough time to look decent enough to not get comments from Karen and make it to the airport before their plane landed. After they got settled into their hotel - and after barraging her with questions - Sarah made her way home and decided to just get the shopping out of the way while she was out.

So, Sarah mosied around the store with three packets of three-piece chicken breasts, five pounds of Yukon Gold potatoes, and a ton of salad. Now she was standing in what she had dubbed ‘the random crap isle’. She picked up a can of cranberry sauce. What did this stuff even go with? It was an unnatural color, didn’t have anything that was actually identifiable as a cranberry, and it held its can shape when you opened it. Like a jello shot gone wrong. She put it back on the shelf. There was probably a reason it was still there. It would probably live longer than Sarah too. She scanned the shelves until she found something that made her grimace. She pulled it down.

“Oh god. This is perfect.” She looked around the aisle - the coast was clear - so she whispered, “Hey, Jareth.”

“I thought we agreed no mornings.” Well, that was easy. Jareth was at the front of her shopping cart poking at what she had in there. Always digging through her things. His cape seemed to shake for a moment, but then two goblins detached themselves from the fabric and scampered down the aisle to disappear down another. Well that might be bad, but he didn’t seem concerned, so she’d worry about it later.

“Oh, it’s already eight!” She pushed the jar into his line of vision.

“Gefilte fish? What’s that?” He took the jar and rotated it in his hands.

“No idea.” She replied. “But doesn’t it look horrendous?”

It did. A few objects that were slightly fishy but also slightly meat-loafy were swimming in a jar of what might be brine. It was awfully yellow though.

“Yes. It does look….fantastically unappealing. Why am I holding it?” He placed it back on the shelf with its fishy brethren.

Sarah frowned and leaned over the cart’s handle. “See I had an idea. But first, change those clothes.” He was in his usual flamboyant Goblin King clothes.

Jareth snapped his fingers in he was in another suit. This one was black but probably still Armani or something equally expensive. He put his hands on the sides of the cart and leaned forward. “What is your idea?”

“Uhm…” Damn she hated how good he looked in a suit. She suddenly felt flustered. “Well, see everyone is going to be excited to meet you. They will want to be nice to you and they’ll do anything to please you… At first, that is, obviously they will loathe you later but why not have a little more fun?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “More fun?”

“Yeah. So lets say that you’ve made a special dish.” She reached over and picked up the gefilte fish jar. “We’ll say it’s something traditional your family used to make every Thanksgiving. They’ll have to eat it.”  
  
“And I’m guessing it won’t actually be too traditional or pleasant.” He grabbed a second jar.

“You’ve got it.” They looked up from their jars, gave each other one of those terrifying smiles two people share when they have a secret they won’t tell you, and then put the jars into the cart. Sarah grabbed her purse and pulled out her grocery list. Potatoes, chicken, green things, and fish-meatloaf; check. “Well, I still have some shopping to do so I’m gonna….do that.”

Jareth stood there for a moment looking a little out of place. “Could I join you?”

Sarah furrowed her brows and frowned. Well she did have to walk home. She didn’t really want to carry everything home alone and could make him carry the majority of the weight. In fact, she could get more stuff! “Uhm...Sure I guess so. Uh..” She double checked her list. “Let’s get dairy stuff next. Milk, cheese. I already have enough eggs.”  
  


**\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**   


Sarah and the Goblin King spend the next hour puttering around the store picking up last minute ingredients. The goblins, which had dislodged from Jareth upon arrival, could be seen roaming the store and knocking things over. Occasionally they would reappear at his side with random food and plead, “Can we gets this, your Majesty?” The answer was always no, of course. And based on the sugar content of most of the things they asked for it was probably best to deny them. At the check out the ended up with seven moderately heavy bags. And not just the store plastic grocery bags either - she had brought her own reusable bags which were much larger. She was cooking for seven - that’s always going to end up with a lot of groceries.

“You are walking home with me.” She stated as she forced two bags into each of his hands.

“I could just take us back to your apartment if you’d like.” He adjusted the weight of the bags and shifted from foot to foot.

She laughed. “Yeah, no. We aren’t doing that. You’re not going to magic me anywhere. We are walking.”

He grumbled but followed her out the door, four bags and two goblins in tow.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning out kinda fluffy...Shit will hit the fan soon. I promise.

Jareth was doing his best to keep pace with Sarah as they marched up the six flights of stairs to her landing. He was probably feeling every year of his oh so long life as he trudged up the stairs. Sarah felt like a champ. She walked these stairs every day so she was used to it. She had to carry all of her groceries too. In one trip of course because that is just how adults do things. But she rarely ever bought this much and when she did she took the elevator. Jareth didn’t have to know about that though. When they hit the landing she placed her bags on the floor and fished out her keys. She opened the door and let him pass through first, followed by two goblins.

“Put the bags in the kitchen and if those goblins ruin anything you have to fix it or replace it.” She followed him in and placed her bags alongside his on the counter. She went back to close the front door and once it was locked turned around to see a goblin ineffectively fighting to disentangle itself from a lamp cord. “Hey. You.” The small impish creature froze and looked up at her with two saucer-sized yellow eyes. “If you break it...” She pointed towards the kitchen, “the king buys it and that will make both of us mad.” She knelt down closer and punctuated her words with pokes to the goblin’s pudgy stomach. “So. Do. Not. Break. It.” The goblin smiled and moderately tamed it’s thrashing attempts for freedom.

Sarah returned to the kitchen to find Jareth removing items from bags and haphazardly giving them homes in her kitchen. Did he just put a potato in a cupboard? “I will put the groceries away.” She moved to grab the milk off the counter but he slapped her hand away.

“Let me do it.”

“You’re being awfully nice for someone who is going to purposefully piss off my family.”

“Maybe I just enjoy the ease of domesticity? Being a king can be awfully draining.”

The cryptic look on his face made Sarah call bullshit but she wouldn’t push it. He just seemed intent on touching everything she owned. She’d put everything where it actually belonged - and clean everything - once he was gone. “Well okay then. I’m gonna sit down then.”

And that’s exactly what she did. But as soon as she was on the couch she felt a familiar wave of exhaustion. She’d been up since two. And now it was? Damn. A little after ten. God. She was going to take a nap as soon as Jareth left. It would be faster if he would let her help but she was too tired to argue for something that would take more energy to fight for than actually do.

She scooted down the sofa till she was laying on her side. I”ll just keep an eye on those goblins. I’m just relaxing. I’m not going to close my eyes.

God Jareth is taking forever.

 

 

My eyes are tired… I’ll just rest them for a second.

 

Do not fall asleep with the Goblin King in your home.

 

Where did those goblins go?

 ****  


 

 

Shit...  
  


And then Sarah was asleep.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jareth had finished putting things away in the kitchen. He knew he hadn’t put them away in the ‘right’ places, but he’d made educated guesses. Potatoes come from the ground and being in the ground would be dark so they went in the dark cupboard. There were a lot of them so he had to put them in multiple places. The dairy was kept cold in the store so he put the milk and eggs in the top part of Sarah’s fridge - the colder the better, right? He knew where the wine went but he guessed Sarah didn’t have her own wine cellar. He did managed to find a cabinet filled with other types of alcohol so he just pushed the wine bottles in with those.

All in all he’d thought he’d done a pretty adequate job.

He went to tell Sarah that he was finished but found her asleep on the couch. “Well….Alright then! Now I have the chance to snoop about her home without her chaperoning me!” She never turned seemed to even turn her back on him so her exhaustion was offering him a new opportunity. “She went careening through my Labyrinth and castle, destroying cities and turning my subjects against me, so it is only fair that I at least rummage through her things.”

So he set off to do just that. He started by looking at all the books and her bookshelf and then moving to open drawers in her desk and poke about. He even stuck his head out the windows to see what was going on outside. Not much.

He’d been trying to get on her good side ever since she left the Labyrinth.  He tried to do that mostly by granting her wishes. The first wish he granted was when she wished Toby away. Obviously, that was a bust. Second was when she was seventeen. She was late for something  and couldn’t find her car keys. Frustrated, she had yelled, “I wish I could find my goddamn keys!” Next thing she knew every key she had ever touched was there in her room. It turned out to be a lot of keys.  

Unless she called on him  by name - or if she wished for something - he couldn’t go to her. So answering her wishes was the easiest way to keep her attention. He wouldn’t be able to keep her remotely interested in him if he was boring or predictable. Any guy could be that. True - he always twisted the wishes - but it was more fun that way.  But se was the one that made it so easy to do! She was always so agitated when she made a wish and he loved to push her buttons.

This lastest wish was a bit conflicting though. How was he going to get on her good side while purposefully being an asshole? By trying to be absurdly helpful before and after! Luckily, she had voluntarily called on him and allowed him the chance to do just that.

Then he heard a cackling sound and a door slam down the hallway. Fucking goblins. He followed the cackling to a door and opened it. Oops. This was Sarah’s room. Something told him she would not like this one bit.

“Where are you, you little mongrels?” He stepped into her room and shut the door quietly. Sarah’s room was clean but eclectic. The walls were lined with more bookshelves and a collection of small artworks and photos. Another wingback easy chair sat by the window and a large wrought four-post bed took up the majority of the space on the far side of the room. Scattered throughout the room were some trinkets that he recognized from her childhood bedroom. Next to the bed was a closed dresser. He could clearly hear a shuffling sound coming from the top dresser drawer.

Right as he moved to open the drawer a goblin popped into existence on his left shoulder. “I’s here , sir!” He turned his head to glare at the saucer-eyed goblin.

“And I assume your friend is in here?”

The goblin shrugged. “Can’t find.”

Jareth sighed. “Clearly, you did not look hard enough.” He opened the top drawer and found the other goblin. Unfortunately, he had gotten himself wrapped up some of Sarah’s less structurally sound underwear and bras. The offending goblin let out a surprised shriek as he was brought into the light. The goblin on Jareth’s shoulder let out a shriek in response and dove to aid his entrapped friend. Jareth jumped and covered his ears just as the goblin landed in the drawer. The combined weight and force of the second panicked goblin was enough to send the draw flying out of the dresser. It tumbled to the floor and the goblins jumped out in mid-air just as Jareth took a startled step backwards. The impact from the goblins was enough to send the startled king falling to the ground with a loud thump and a curse.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah was awoken by two shrieks shortly followed by two very loud thumps and a string of curses. She sat up quickly and checked the clock. Shit. It was already noon. Either she fell asleep or Jareth re-arranged time. The drool on her face led her to believe it was the former. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and booked it to her bedroom. She flung open the door to find the Goblin King on the ground with two goblins and her underwear. All of her underwear. Everywhere! It was scattered on the floor, the goblins, and Jareth.

“Jareth!” She snarled. She took two quick steps into the room and both of the scared goblins poofed out of existence. Her face must have showed her unadulterated rage because two steps later an equally terrified Goblin King had also magicked himself away.

Sarah was pissed. “What the FUCK was he doing in my room? And in my underwear drawer?” She let out a scream and threw herself into a grumbling heap in the wingback. “What the fuck!”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some trouble getting this chapter moving and kinda just sat there staring at it all day.  
> But it's here now (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
> Thanks for your help as always, [ Hayley.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/DirigibleDetective)

Jareth sat in his throne room anxiously tapping his foot on the ground. It was getting to be late in the day Aboveground and Sarah still hadn’t called on him. Was she backing out? He could feel his anxiety building and stood up and began pacing the room. They had agreed that he could help her cook. She couldn’t back out. They had already made plans and he’d been nice and - dare he say - generous with the initial bargain! It wouldn’t make sense for her to back out now…

But she hadn’t called! She’s backing out! He stopped his pacing and steeled himself. “Well, then. If she’s going to back out of our bargain I”ll just have to follow through on my threat.” He was convinced Sarah had broken the agreement so he should be able to easily find her and transport to her.

So that’s just what he did. Jareth appeared in Sarah’s kitchen in full Goblin King Regalia, swirling high collared cape, glitter, and all.

Big mistake.

The unadulterated rage that emanated from Sarah was enough to make the battle ready king feel like he had shrunk down to three feet tall. The chef’s knife in her hand didn’t make him feel any safer.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She yelled.

“I….uh…” Jareth surveyed the room. He felt a jolt of disappointment when he realized Sarah had started cooking and looked to be mostly finished. He pouted. “You didn’t let me help you.”

“Well you’ve certainly done a fine job helping now!” She motioned towards the food on the counter. “Look what you did!”

“I haven’t done anything! You backed out of our agreement to let me assist you and that was enough for me to transport myself to you.” She didn’t have to know that he had panicked when he thought she had backed out all together. He’d keep that insecurity to himself. Upon first glance nothing appeared wrong. The chicken had probably just been pulled out of the oven and was cooling on the kitchen counter next to two large bowls; one filled with mashed potatoes and salad in the other. Other food items were scattered throughout the kitchen. Jareth frowned. Absolutely everything had glitter on it or in it. “Shit.”

“You’re damn right, ‘Shit’! Is this crap edible?”

“Uh...No, I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Sarah grumbled. “You and your damn theatrics.” She took a step closer to him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “Here is what is going to happen. You are going to magic all of this glitter out of the food and off the counters and floor.” 

“Why should I?”

“Why? Because every time you pop into my life and do that shit I am left with the mess to clean up without any magic. That's why!” She didn’t understand why he was so easily pinned under her wrath at that moment but she was going to milk it. It probably had something to do with the knife she was holding. Oops. She didn’t mean for that to happen. “Got it?”

He nodded in agreement and rolled his wrist. A crystal appeared in his hand which he released into the air. The crystal floated to the middle of the room and then all at once the glitter was sucked from where it had settled up into the crystal. Sarah released the Goblin King and went back to preparing what she had been making before Jareth popped in.

“Now apologize.” Sarah stated.  
  
“For what?” Jareth mumbled as he moved to sit at the dinner table.

“For what?” She mocked his dismissive tone. “What do you mean ‘for what? First of all; you put the groceries in stupid places. It took me two hours to put everything in the right place and you put the eggs and milk in the freezer so they froze, expanded, and exploded. I had to clean that." Sarah slammed the knife down on the counter. She had been getting asparagus ready to bake so she threw the innocent vegetables on a tray and slammed them into he pre-heated oven. She shut the oven door and spun to face Jareth. "Second, you went in my room! And you and your little hobgoblins got in my underwear drawer and threw everything about.”  Jareth hated being confronted - and absolutely loathed being told he was wrong - so at this point he was furious. He opened his mouth to respond but Sarah cut him off. “That was an immense invasion of privacy! Then, you pop into my kitchen - uninvited - and get glitter in the food. Then you have the audacity to sit there and have attitude?” Sarah shook her head and grabbed a timer off the counter. She wound it while muttering, “No. Not going to happen. Apologize and change your attitude or get out of my home.”

Jareth stood up and slammed his hands on the table. “I did nothing wrong! You made another poorly thought out wish and I am trying to grant it. We made an agreement and you’re making the follow-through incredibly difficult.”

Sarah let out a loud and frustrated sigh. “Of course this is all my fault. God forbid you take any responsibility for your part. Have you ever thought of NOT granting my ‘poorly thought out wishes’? Of course not. Then you wouldn’t get to watch me suffer.”

“Why are you always so dramatic?”

“Me? I’m the dramatic one?” She crossed the room and grabbed the opposite end of the table. “Have you ever looked in the mirror? Wait, of course you have. How could you not spend hours preening in front of a mirror when you look like that?” She began pulling the table away from Jareth towards the living room.

Jareth huffed. “I do not. And what are you doing?”

“I’m moving the table, obviously. We can’t all eat in here, the room is too small. And yes you do. How else would you put that makeup on every fucking day?”

“You look ridiculous.” Jareth followed her and grabbed the other end and lifted it. They maneuvered it through the doorway into the living room where Sarah had apparently already moved all the furniture out of the way. “It’s not makeup. It’s just the way my face is.”

“Mmmhmm. Whatever. Separate the table so I can put the leaves in.” Sarah went to a nearby closet and started rummaging through it to get to the two loose pieces of wood in the back.

“It’s not makeup!” Jareth snapped his fingers and the table was opened and the two extra table leaves appeared in their place. “I’m just naturally this beautiful.”

When the leaves disappeared from in front of her Sarah spun around to leer at Jareth. “Don’t do that!”

Jareth cast an equally intense glare. “What? Is my magic only allowed when you say so?”

“Yes!” Sarah snapped.

Jareth held eye contact and waved his hand again. Seven chairs appeared around the table. Sarah let out another exasperated sigh “You’re such a child!”

“I’m a child-” 

Jareth was cut off by the sound of knocking at the door. They both froze and stared the door down. There was another tentative knock. “Hello? Sarah!” Came a muffled voice from behind the door.

In two steps Sarah was holding Jareth by the shirt again, both fists bunched up in his shirt. “Change your clothes. Right. Now.” Jareth smirked and snapped his fingers. Now Sarah was holding the lapels of another too-expensive suit. “Seriously? Fuck you.” At least he wasn’t looking too otherwordly. His hair was in a pony tail too. She wouldn’t be able to get him those damn jeans with his current attitude. The suit would have to do. She pushed him away and walked to the door. She went up on her tip-toes to looked through the peep-hole. Karen and her father were sharing concerned looks while a bouncy Toby started knocking again.

Sarah had always enjoyed acting and she wasn’t half bad either. She could still pull this off. When she was younger she had always been amazed that Karen could be angry and raving and then pick up a phone and sound like nothing was wrong. Of course, when she grew up she understood it, and that state of mind was what she needed to harness now. She took a deep breath to calm herself and then turned around and gave Jareth the most genuine smile she could muster.

 **  
**“Ready, dear?” Her voice sounded lilting and honeyed. It was so sweet it could rot your teeth. Jareth felt a shiver go up his spine. Fuck. What had he gotten himself into? He thought he was the more powerful of the two of them but at this moment he felt like a cornered animal. Sarah was terrifying and he was certain she just saw his shudder. She did and it made her smile that much more genuine. Then she opened the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments everyone. I'm glad you guys are enjoying it so far and are liking my sense of humor.  
> Lots of dialogue in this one!

Sarah was hit full force by eight year old Toby. “Sarah!” He yelled as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I missed you!”

Sarah laughed and returned his hug. “But Tobes, you saw me yesterday morning.”

“Yes,” Toby sighed. “But it was really early and it doesn’t count cause I can’t really remember it. Is this your apartment?” Toby unhooked himself from his sister and began to wander into the living room.

“Yes of course it is. And yes, you can look around. Knock yourself out.” Sarah motioned Karen and her father in and hugged them both.

“Hi, Sarah.” Karen said as she received her hug. “Sorry we’re kind of early but Toby was getting cabin fever and we wanted to burn off some of his energy.”

“We figured we could come help you finish setting things up.” Her dad piped in. “And I have the money I owe you for food.”

“Thanks dad. Yeah, we were just about to start setting the table.” Sarah turned to look at Jareth who had gone unnoticed so far. “Karen, Dad. I want you to meet my boyfriend, Jareth.”

Sarah’s father was the first to shake Jareth’s hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m Robert.”

Jareth returned the handshake, “Jareth. Nice to meet you too, Robert.”

Robert turned back to Sarah and pulled out his wallet so he could give her the money he owed her. While Robert’s back was turned Sarah could see Karen go in for a handshake with Jareth. “Hi Jareth, I’m Karen. It’s nice to meet you.” She extended her hand and instead of shaking it Jareth pulled her hand up to his mouth and placed a kiss on her knuckles.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” He purred and then gave Karen a wink before releasing her hand. Sarah could see Karen freeze up and then let out a nervous laugh. Karen turned to look at Sarah - presumably to get some sort of indication of whether or not this was normal behavior for Jareth - but Sarah returned her attention to her father and pretended not to notice.

When they were done Sarah spoke up, “Jareth, honey, could you start setting the table? You know the kitchen well enough - you’ve been through the cabinets. Could you show Karen and Dad where everything is?”

Jareth glowered at her but nodded and lead Karen and Robert into the kitchen.

Sarah chuckled and headed towards her room. She found her door ajar and opened it to see Toby flipping through her books. “Whatcha doin, Tobes?” She opened up her recently organized top draw and hid the money her dad had given her beneath some underwear.

“Just looking. Who’s that guy out there?”

Sarah closed the drawer. “That’s my boyfriend, Jareth.”

“He seems familiar.” Toby muttered.

Sarah froze. “Does he?” She hadn’t thought that Toby might recognize Jareth. That could really mess up the plan - whatever the plan was now. She wasn’t actually sure.

“Yeah.” Toby placed the book back on the shelf and turned his attention to a side table next to her wingback. “Do you guys...uh…”

“Do we what?” Sarah turned around to face him and leaned on her dresser.

“Make out?” Toby blurted.  
  
“Ew, Toby, no. We do not.” Sarah moved to the door and held it open for him. “Who told you that? That’s gross.”  
  
“Good.” Toby bounded out the door into the hall. “Mom and Dad said that you guys might kiss and that I shouldn’t say anything but I’m glad you guys don’t.”  
  
Sarah grimaced. The Goblin King was the last person she wanted to be kissing at this moment. Toby and Sarah came into the living room to find Robert and Karen finishing up setting out dishes. “Thanks for setting the table!”

“Of course, Sarah.” Karen answered. “You did all of the cooking. It’s the least we can do.”

“I’ll start getting the food. Mom and her boyfriend should be here soon.” Sarah walked to the kitchen and found Jareth.

“The asparagus was done so I pulled it out. It’s over there.” He pointed.

“Thanks.” Sarah bit out. She went to her liquor cabinet and pulled out the bottles of wine and five glasses. “Uh…” She turned to Jareth and held up a glass. “Do you want wine?”

He met her gaze and thought for a moment. The way things were going so far he probably was going to need some liquor to calm himself. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Sarah pulled out another glass. With three in each hand she made her way back to the table to set them out.

With Karen, Jareth, Sarah, and Robert bringing food out it took only a few minutes to finish setting the table. Karen had opened the first bottle of wine just as there was a knock on the door. Sarah went to open it and as soon as she did Linda rushed in to hug her. “Woah. Hi Mom.” Sarah said.

“Hello, Sarah, honey! It’s so good to see you! Have you lost weight? You look great.” Sarah felt like she died a little bit inside whenever her mom talked about her body. Now she was dying a little in front of her whole family and a Goblin King. Why did Sarah think this was going to be a good idea? Oh that’s right. She didn’t. Linda finally let go of Sarah and turned to the man standing in the doorway. “Sarah I want you to meet my boyfriend, Daniel. Daniel, this is my daughter Sarah.”

Sarah and Daniel shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. Sarah then motioned Jareth over. “Mom, this is Jareth, my boyfriend.”

Linda’s eyes sparkled. “Sarah, you didn’t mention how handsome he was!” Sarah rolled her eyes. Like Jareth’s head needed to be any bigger. Linda extended her hand. “I’m Linda.”

Jareth took Linda’s hand the same way he took Karen’s and placed a kiss on her knuckles. Sarah could have sworn she heard Daniel make a sound of disapproval but she it was too quiet for her to be sure. “Wonderful to meet you, Linda.”

“Oh, and such wonderful manners too!” Linda gushed. “You’ll have to sit next to me” She pulled Jareth by the arm to the dinner table where everyone else had begun to sit. Sarah and Jareth sat next to each other with Toby on Sarah’s right and Linda on Jareth’s left.  

When everyone had sat down Linda spoke up first. “Who’s going to say grace?” Silence. “Okay, I will then.” Linda closed her eyes and bowed her head. Karen and Robert had never been religious people and even though Linda tried to instill some fear of God into Sarah as a child it never took. Karen and Robert closed their eyes and Toby followed their lead. Sarah just keep looking at each person as Linda said a prayer. Daniel seemed less than pleased. Karen and Robert were both grimacing. Toby was clearly bored. Jareth had a thousand mile stare off into the living room. Linda finished and everyone began passing around food.

“So, Jareth.” Linda began. “Are you religious?” Well, aren’t we hitting the ground running?  
  
“I'm not religious, per se, but I do believe in some things that would be categorizes as ‘ancient folklore.’ Although it used to be part of many established religions.”

“Oh.” Once it was obvious Jareth didn’t prescribe to her particular religion Linda was done with the conversation, but Jareth decided to continue unhindered.

“Basically it is the idea of the Fae; gorgeous mythological creatures who live in a different realm. They were talented in the magical arts and that terrified humans.” Sarah passed Jareth the mashed potatoes and he nonchalantly spooned himself a large portion. “So they left the Aboveground and moved Underground.”

No one really knew what to say to that, so Sarah spoke up. “And how does that play into your everyday life, hun?”

“Well, it’s not every day you meet one of the Fae, honey.” Jareth moved to passed Sarah the plate of asparagus. She grabbed it and tried to pull it away but Jareth held on. “Sometimes the Fae will take children, either because their guardians are unfit or the child is unwanted, and replace them with a changeling. I just make an effort not to say things I don’t mean.” Jareth winked at her before releasing the asparagus. Sarah gave him a ‘I’m going to fucking murder you’ smile and much too aggressively stabbed some asparagus before depositing them onto her plate.

“Are there goblins too?”

Jareth and Sarah turned to look at Toby who was genuinely curious. Jareth’s smile was wide and predatory. “Of course.” He answered.

Everyone had begun eating and attempting small talk. Family dinners were always difficult to begin with and having the added strain of a new person plus two exes and their new significant others, not to mention an actual mythological creature, made 'a normal evening' seem like an unachievable goal. 

“So how’s work, Sarah?”  
  
“Good. How’s work for you?”  
  
“Oh fine.”

“How’s school, Toby?”  
  
“Horrible! It’s sooooo boring and my classes are really hard. Like, when am I actually going to use this stuff in real life?”

Sarah laughed. “You’re not. Trust me.”

She got a generic disapproving look from Robert and Karen but shrugged it off. “So, Daniel. What do you do?”

Daniel disconnected himself from his wine glass. “I’m an claims adjuster. I mostly work in casualty insurance.”

That got everyone but Jareth and Toby’s attention. They were content to keep eating but Karen, Robert, and Sarah exchanged glances. Karen was the first to speak up. “So you basically work to make sure the insurance company has to pay as little as possible when something goes wrong? Right?”

“Basically.” Daniel said and then guzzled some wine.

“How’d you get into casualties?” Sarah asked.

Daniel let out a throaty laugh. “Mostly by being really damn good at my job. I started in auto and moved up to to casualties when they saw my potential.” He laughed again. “There was this one time this guy got in an accident - died of course - but his wife wanted the claim from his health insurance but he had accidentally voided it by - “

“Daniel, dear.” Linda interjected. “I don’t think they want to hear that story right now.”

Daniel muttered and took another gulp of wine. Wow. Sleazy, cruel, and uncultured. Didn't even know how to drink his wine. Sarah made a show of swirling her wine and then sipping it. Robert sent her a warning glare from across the table, so Sarah put down the glass.

Jareth took the lull as an opportunity to speak up. “So Linda, Sarah hasn’t told me a lot about you yet. What do you do?” Jareth turned as much as he could in the chair so he was facing Linda.

“Sarah! You haven’t told him about your own mother?” Linda cast Sarah a disapproving look. Sarah was getting a lot of those tonight. Sarah decided to chat with Toby while Jareth did whatever he was going to do. Linda then redirected her attention to Jareth. “I’m an actress.”  
****  
“Really?” Jareth sounded surprised and leaned in closer. “Anything I would have seen you in?”

“Oh, I doubt it. I mostly work on broadway plays back in L.A. So unless you frequent California theaters, probably not.”

“No, I don’t.” Jareth pouted and gave her his biggest puppy-dog eyes. Clearly Linda was the chosen victim of his affection tonight. “I’d love to see you perform. If I’m ever in L.A. I’ll make an effort to see you. I bet you’re just as divine on-stage as you are off-stage.” Jareth gave Linda a once over and she let out a loud laugh and smacked his arm.  
  
“Oh, stop. You’re too much. I’d love you get you and Sarah tickets if you ever came to visit.”

Linda’s laugh was loud enough to get everyone’s attention. Sarah looked over to Daniel who was glowering at the oblivious Jareth. Karen spoke up next. “So what do you do, Jareth?”

Jareth turned back around to face the rest of the table. Oh shit...He hadn’t prepared for that question. Sarah stilled beside him. Clearly she hadn’t thought of that either. Damn. “I’m uhm….” I’m a Fae Goblin King and I totally tried to steal Toby a few years back. Pass the gravy? “I’m in politics.”

Karen and Robert smiled. Clearly that was the right answer. However, the look he was getting from Sarah said she wasn’t too happy. “What party are you affiliated with?” Robert asked. “And what do you do?”

“He’s part of the Green Party.” Sarah quipped.

“Oh.” Robert mumbled. “Same party as Sarah.”

“I’m not completely able to talk about my position, but I can say I’m part of the legislature.” Jareth replied. He was just making shit up. If he was lucky it would work. “And yes, I’m in the Green Party. But at least I’m not a Republican! Hate to be stuck in that conservative cluster-fuck. Right, Sarah?”

Robert and Karen’s smiles fell instantly.

“Jareth.” Sarah had a mildly warning and disapproving tone. “I’ve told you Dad and Karen are Republicans.”

“Hmm. Well, what are ya gonna do. Can’t make all the masses happy. Not everyone is going to see the light.” Jareth gave a dismissive wave of his hand to indicate he was done with that conversation. Robert and Karen were seething. They weren’t used to other adults being so resoundingly against their political views and unwilling to discuss them.

Just then Jareth remembered something. The gefilte fish! He stood up abruptly. “Sarah!” Sarah was startled and jumped in her chair. “I’ve forgotten my dish in the kitchen! I’m going to finish it and then I’ll be back.”

Jareth stumbled slightly in his excitement and went into the kitchen. Oh wait, that wasn’t excitement that made him stumble. He leaned on the counter. He was feeling a little woozy. How many of glasses of wine had he had? Three? Four? Crap. At this rate he’d be drunk soon and that wasn’t actually his plan. Jareth found the two bottles of gefilte fish on the counter and a box of pasta he found in a cabinet and transported back into his castle’s kitchen. He severely startled two goblins who were pilfering the ale and they took off running.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Sarah." Robert leaned over his plate. "He seems a little out there. Is that normal for him or is he just nervous?"

Sarah furrowed her brows in mock concentration. "Oh? Do you think so? He's actually being very tame tonight." 

Robert and Karen exchanged concerned glances while Toby remained oblivious.

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Jareth let out a little giggle as he leaned on the counter. He was always such a lightweight. He pulled out glass pan and let the the dry pasta fall into it. Then poured a glass of ale from the tap that the goblins had been messing with and took a large gulp. He shuddered. Goblin ale was horrible and goblins definitely had a stronger constitution than he did. But he poured the rest in with the pasta. He plucked the fish loaves out of the jars and added them to the ale-pasta. Grabbing the nearest spoon, he began to break up the loaves and stir everything about. Lastly he grabbed a piece of cheese of the counter - what type it was and how long it had been he couldn’t say - but he broke it into bits and floated them on top. He rolled his wrist and a crystal appeared. He let it fall into the mixture. The magic cooked it and he was left with what could best be described as 'the overcooked casserole from hell.' He  succumbed to another fit of drunken giggles. After another moment he steeled himself and took a calming breath.

He grabbed his science project and reappeared in the kitchen. Man, having some control over time sure was convenient. He walked back into the living room with his bad-soccer mom pasta.

“Everyone! I decided as a thank you for letting me join your family this Thanksgiving that I would prepare a traditional dish that my family always made on Thanksgiving.”

He placed his Frankenstein monster on the table and was met with complete silence. Everyone was torn between leaning in to get a closer look and leaning away to escape the overwhelming sharp cheese and fish smell.

Toby was the first to offer up his opinion. “Gross!”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, Hayley, for knowing more about gefilte fish than me!

“Toby, don’t be rude.” Karen scolded. “You haven’t even tried it. Apologize.”

“Sorry Jareth.” Toby mumbled.

Jareth’s college-kid-who-never-learned-how-to-cook casserole was passed around the table and everyone took as small a portion as they could manage without being perceived as rude. Jareth was constantly antagonizing Sarah’s parents and they were rapidly becoming disenchanted with him. Although, clearly, there was still something driving them to find a likeable aspect to Jareth if they were actually going to eat this monstrosity. Maybe food poisoning would be the final straw?

“So, uh, Jareth.” Linda began. “You said this was a traditional Thanksgiving dish? Where are you from?”

Another question Jareth wouldn’t know how to answer. Sarah had watched his wine intake and guessed that he was a few more glasses in than he realized. That definitely wouldn’t help his lying. He was probably a nervous giggler too. “He’s Swedish.” She offered. The gefilte fish jar had said it was a traditional Swedish dish. The label probably knew better than she did.

“Swedish? Really?” Robert poked at his quickly congealing pasta. “You sound British.”  
  
“His parents were originally from Sweden but they moved to England and had Jareth. He moved to the States when he was in middle school.” There we go.

“Yup!” Jareth agreed and poured himself another glass of wine. Daniel took the bottle after Jareth and did the same. Sarah grabbed it after Daniel. That side of the table was going through wine faster than her side.

The small talk, which had been an excuse to avoid eating Jareth’s creation, died down again. All the mortals at the table saw their lives flash before their eyes when they looked at the pasta on their plates. But Jareth began eating his portion without any hesitation. Sarah heavily suspected that he was using magic to make his food half-decent. She hoped he would do the same for her. So she took a bite. No such luck. He must have still been angry about earlier and now he was being petty and possibly trying to kill her. It tasted like someone dredged the bottom of an Italian canal, put it in a casserole dish, and called it a meal. She swallowed with as little show as she could manage. Everyone, except Daniel and Toby, was trying their best to hold down the food. Toby was just mushing it around while Daniel made no attempt whatsoever to be polite. Clearly Daniel was off the Jareth-train so that was one down. Although he didn’t particularly matter in the long run. Just another short-term boyfriend.

Everyone finished the pasta in silence and then quickly reached for another item on the table.   
  
“Who wants more potatoes?”  
  
“I would, pass that and the gravy over here.”

“Hand me the salad and dressing.”  
  
“Let’s top off our glasses too. Open wine doesn’t stay good forever!”

Everyone got something on their plates as fast as possible and began eating to try to get the taste of frankenfish out of their mouths.

Robert transitioned the conversation. “So where did you two meet?”

Jareth and Sarah tensed and looked at eachother. Shit. They really hadn’t thought this through. Jareth had an idea first and another terrifying smile spread across his face. “Sarah was helping me with an acquisition at work.” He leaned into her personal space a little more but Sarah didn’t back down. She wasn’t going to let some drunken fairy get a rise out of her. “The transaction fell through but Sarah couldn’t resist my charms.”

That was rich. “You say that like you have power over me.” She leaned in closer and Jareth frowned. “You wish.” That hit a nerve. He leaned away first and she won the stand-off.

“Who wants dessert?” Sarah stood up to go to the kitchen and Karen jumped up as well.  
  
“I’ll help you, Sarah.”

“Oh, ok. Thank you.”

The two made their way to the kitchen and began pulling out clean plates. They worked in silence for a few seconds before Karen spoke up. “Sarah?”

“Yes?”

“How old is Jareth?”

“He just turned thirty-seven.” Believable but not fantastic to a parent.

“Really? I would have thought you would want to be with someone closer to your age.”

“So did I, but here we are.” Sarah pulled a pumpkin pie out of the fridge and placed it on the counter.

“Does he always have that ponytail and - uh - makeup?”

Sarah turned around leaned on the counter. She had a direct view of Jareth out in the living room. She was so used to seeing his odd eyes that she forgot her parents would be confused by that too. “It’s not always a ponytail, but the makeup is pretty standard.” Man, they were not at their best tonight.

“Is he really good in bed?”

Sarah looked at Karen in shock and then broke down into rambunctious laughter. When did her step-mom get so bold? “Well, aren’t you nosey tonight?” She joked. “Why do you want to know?”

Karen was only slightly flustered. “I’m just trying to figure out why you’re with a man of his age who is enjoys arguing over dinner. I figured it must be his looks - he would be more attractive without the embellishments - or it was the sex.”

Sarah chuckled. That was an unsubtle way of asking ‘Why are you with this old ass?’. Sarah’s laughter had caught Jareth’s attention and they made eye contact across the room. Sarah gave him an obvious and suggestive once over - focusing on his lower half. She shrugged and held her hand out to Karen with her index and thumb about four inches apart. “I mean, it’s not bad, but it’s definitely nothing to write home about.”

Karen laughed and slapped Sarah’s hand away. Sarah was positive Jareth heard her because he looked down to his lap and then back to Sarah and gave her the darkest look he could muster. What did she know? Rude girl. He was definitely something to write home about! He was fantastic. Everyone should know about it. Fine. If she wanted to play dirty that’s what they’d do.

He leaned over to Linda. “So, tell me more about your plays.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
One moment Jareth was shamelessly flirting with Linda Williams and the next he was being pulled up by his lapels.

“I said back off!” Daniel spoke directly into his face.

“I didn’t hear you. What was I on? Please enlighten me.” Jareth held up his hands in a mock surrender.

“You’re on my woman, you prick!” Daniel yelled.

“Daniel, put him down!” Linda placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder but he slapped her hand away and brought it back to swing at Jareth.

Jareth was lucky enough to duck and fall out of Daniel’s grasp. Sarah did say that if someone swung at him he could swing back! So that’s just what he did. Or at least, tried to do. In his inebriated state he jabbed at Daniel’s face and missed - hitting him lamely in the shoulder. Daniel clearly had more experience in drunken bar fights because his aim was spot on when he sideswiped Jareth’s jaw. Jareth’s head snapped to the side and he blacked out and slumped to the ground.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**  
**Sarah and Karen finished plating the pumpkin pie when they heard Daniel let out a shout which was followed by a loud thump. Sarah and Karen jolted from the kitchen to find Jareth sprawled on the living room floor with Daniel, Linda, and Robert arguing above his unconscious body.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, guys!

“What do you think you’re doing?” Robert yelled.  
  
“You saw him! He was all over my woman!” Daniel met Robert’s tone and volume.

“I’m not your woman first of all and secondly he was not all over me.”

“Oh, like hell, Linda. You were all over him as well.”

“I was not. We were just talking and you went berserk on him! And you’re drunk!”

Karen spoke up next. “What is going on?”

“None of your goddamn business.” Linda spat.  
  
“Excuse me?” Karen put her hands on her hips. “Your boyfriend punched my daughter’s boyfriend in front of my son. You better believe it’s my goddamn business.”

“Your daughter?” Linda got right up in Karen’s face. “Last time I checked she was my daughter.”

“She may be your daughter but running out on her as a child doesn’t make you her mother or give you any right to show up out of nowhere with some sleaze who punches her boyfriend!”  
  
Oh fuck. This was rapidly getting out of hand. No one had made any move to help Jareth who was ungracefully sprawled on his back. Toby had been forgotten at the table, terrified and on the verge of tears. Sarah bent down next to Jareth and took his head in her hands. She checked the back of his head from the impact of the floor and found a large raised bump. No blood luckily. His cheek had a raised red welt on it that was warm to the touch when she feathered her fingers across the area. That was definitely going to bruise and he would not be happy about it.

“Toby, come here.” Sarah motioned Toby over and he came to kneel on the opposite side of Jareth. “Help me get him up.” Sarah and Toby lifted Jareth’s torso into a sitting position. Just as they got him up his head lolled forward and Jareth opened his eyes.

“My face hurts.” He mumbled.

“I know, Jareth. We’ll get you something for that in a second. I’ll help you up but I need you to stand.”

“Hurts…” Was all he said but Jareth wrapped his arm over her shoulder and together they slowly and shakily stood up. When they were standing Sarah was taking the majority of his weight.

“Toby, can you get the bedroom door for me?”

Toby nodded and ran down the hall to the door and swung it open. Sarah helped Jareth stumble away from the arguing and into her bedroom. He tripped once and Sarah couldn’t help but think that he was way heavier than he looked but she kept it to herself. They made it to her room and Toby shut the door behind them while Sarah guided Jareth to her bed. She ducked out from under him and moved him so he could sit down. Instead he unceremoniously flopped down on his uninjured side and wiggled his way into a fetal position with her pillows covering his head. He continued to mumble but Sarah ignored him.

Toby was still standing awkwardly at the door. He was staring at his shoes while wringing his hands together.

“Toby?”

He looked up. His eyes were red and filled with unshed tears. Sarah quickly knelt down to his eye-level and wrapped him in a hug. “Aw, Tobes. It’s okay to cry. Everyone’s fighting upset you didn’t it?”  
  
That was all Toby needed for the tears to overflow. He returned the hug with everything he had and nodded into her shoulder.  
  
“They aren’t mad at you. You know that, right? Jareth made them angry but Daniel’s behavior was inappropriate. Mom and Dad were yelling because they were mad at Daniel.”

Toby sniffled but nodded again. “They scared me.”

Sarah hugged Toby tighter. Karen and her father rarely fought and when they did it was never this volatile. “I’m sorry, Tobes. They scared me too.”

They sat like that for another moment before Sarah spoke again. “Do you want to go back to the hotel or do you want to spend the night with me?”

Toby thought for a moment. “Can I stay with you?”

“Of course.” Sarah fidgeted with Toby’s hair before releasing him. “You stay in here while I go talk with them.” Toby nodded and went to curl up in her wingback. Sarah checked on Jareth again, lifting the pillow off his face to find him either asleep or unconscious.  Not a good sign, but he was still breathing and if he vomited at least he was on his side. Returning the pillow she headed for the door. She grabbed the knob but took a moment to calm herself - deep breath in, and out - before opening the door and stepping back into chaos.

“You don’t just hit people!”

“He was asking for it! He deserved it!”

“You can’t solve an argument by punching someone, you ass!”

“You don’t solve anything by insulting someone either!”  
  
“Oh! Would you rather I punched you in the face? Please enlighten me on the best way to resolve a conflict since you, clearly, are an expert on this!”  
  
“Fuck off, you prick.”

“No, you-”

“Shut up!” Sarah screamed. Everyone went silent and looked at her. “All of you. Shut up! What is wrong with all of you? You’re supposed to be adults. At least pretend to be mature!”

Everyone opened their mouths to give a rebuttal but Sarah wasn’t going to have it. “Here is what’s going to happen. First. You’re all going to get the fuck out of my apartment. And we are not going to try whatever this - “ Sarah motioned to the group. “ - was ever again. I don’t know why you guys thought this would work, but clearly, it didn’t. Second, you’re going to stop making comments on my romantic life. It is my life and these are my choices. If I bring home someone and your reaction is to knock him unconscious, and then not help him, then none of you have a right to tell me how to manage my relationships. Lastly, Toby is staying with me tonight. You all terrified him and he wants to stay here.”

It was silent for a long time. Linda and Daniel looked irate but Karen and Robert were clearly guilted. After a few minutes Daniel gracefully bowed out of the situation. “Fuck all of you.” He grunted and he and Linda sloppily gathered their things before stomping out and slamming the door.  Sarah sighed and sat down on the sofa, burying her head in her hands. Now she wanted to cry, her mother had clearly chosen someone else over her again.

“Sarah.” She opened her eyes to meet Robert’s. He was kneeling in front of her. “You’re right. We were out of control. Can you forgive me?”

Sarah nodded. “Of course.”

“I’m sorry too, Sarah. We shouldn’t have done that.”

Sarah attempted a weak smile. “I forgive you guys. Thank you for apologizing.”

“Can we go talk to Toby?” Karen asked.

Sarah nodded. Robert and Karen went into Sarah’s room together. She stood and began clearing dishes off the table and taking them into the kitchen. She had finished piling the dishes in the sink and putting leftovers in tupperware - except Jareth’s dish, of course, that went straight to the trash can - when Robert and Karen popped back in the kitchen.

“We talked to Toby. He still wants to stay with you tonight, so we will come pick him up in the morning. Does ten sound alright? Then we can all sleep in.”   
  
Sarah nodded. “Sounds good, Dad.”

Karen and Robert gathered their things and walked to the front door. Karen hugged Sarah. “We love you, Sarah. And again, we are so sorry.”

“I know.” Sarah hugged Karen and then her Dad. “I love you guys too. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Sarah. Love you.” Robert said before he closed the door. Sarah locked the door and slumped down on the floor against it.

“Shit.” Was all she could manage. She sat there for probably fifteen minutes sniffling and drying occasional tears before she felt like she could go face the Goblin King and her little brother. She stood and made her way back to the bedroom. When she opened the door she could see both Toby and Jareth had fallen asleep on the bed. She didn’t know long Toby had been there but clearly this is where he wanted to sleep tonight. She could sleep on the couch. However, she didn’t know how Jareth would feel about waking to a bedfellow. She lifted the same pillow off his head.  He was still breathing but his bruise was starting to turn purple and swell. He should probably get ice on that. She pressed her hand into his shoulder. “Jareth.” Nothing.. She shook him a little. “Jareth.” This time he mumbled and opened his eyes. “Jareth I need you to get up.” He rolled onto his back and looked up at her with no recollection in his eyes. Then something dawned on him.

He shot up straight. “Sarah Williams. Come to storm the castle again?” Sarah tried to shoosh him. She didn’t want to wake up Toby. “Soooooosh yourself.” He said as he tried to stand up. He made it to his feet before getting a head rush that made the pain in his face even worse. He fell down on his hands and knees. “Storm the castle and commit regicide I see.”

Sarah knelt down next to him. “Jareth. Look at me.” He met her eyes. “Jareth. This is my room. Not your castle. And Daniel punched you, remember?”

It took another minute of staring at her face to realize that she was right. “Oh...Yes. Hi Sarah.”

“Hi Jareth. Come on, stand up. Lets get you ice and something for the pain. And be quiet. Toby is asleep.” She pointed to the bed. Jareth looked, saw Toby, and nodded. Quietly they got him up on two feet and left the room, closing the door behind them. Sarah helped Jareth over to the  sofa and sat him down. “Do you want ibuprofen?” Sarah left the living room and went to the kitchen.  
  
“What’s that?”   
  
“Pain medication.”

“Can I have a drink instead?”

“What, a whole bottle of wine not good enough for you?” She couldn’t find the ibuprofen so a drink would have to suffice. It wasn’t like he was getting behind the wheel. If he used his teleportation magic while under the influence the worst thing that could happen to him is that he could end up in the Bog of Eternal Stench. That would be more poetic than damaging.

“I did not drink a whole bottle.”

“Yes you did.” Sarah found a bottle of ginger beer in the back of her fridge and threw together two moscow mules. Heavy on the vodka in his. He didn’t seem concussed, just a little shaken, so the best thing she could do for him was ease his pain and get him to bed. The vodka would do that just fine. She also wrapped up some ice in a thin towel and went back to the living room. “Here. For your face.”

“What’s wrong with my face?” He stood up and walked to the nearest mirror which hung near her front door. “Ah!” He lightly touched the bruise on his face. It was a deep blackish-blue now and swelling more each minute. It stood out horribly against his pale skin. “I’m ruined. I’m forever marred and imperfect.” He came back to her, snatched the ice pack and drink, pouted, and slumped back into the sofa.

They sat in silence and drank. Their moscow mules were enough to push them both past the edge of tipsiness into uninhibited drunkenness.

“Did it work?” Jareth asked.

“Hmm?” Sarah couldn’t remember what he was talking about.

“The plan? Did I grant your wish?” Jareth wiggled into the sofa so he was lying down on the good side of his face.

“Eh.” Sarah was in a sofa opposite Jareth leaning on an armrest. “I’m not sure. I don’t think they’ll give me a hard time anymore. You missed my big speech this time.”

“Good. Your speeches don’t end well for me.”

Sarah snorted. “Jareth?”

He had closed his eyes but they fluttered open. “Yes?”

“Why do you keep showing up and trying to grant my wishes?”

Because I’m insecure and lonely and I only have goblins to keep me company? Goblins have poor interpersonal communication skills. “You were the only runner to treat the citizens of the Labyrinth with kindness. I was hoping you’d be nice to me too. I wanted a friend.”

She threw a pillow at him which startled him out of  his pity party. “Dork. All you had to do was ask. You didn’t have to be annoying and rude.”

Another silence fell on the two as they both fought the exhaustion that was washing over them. “I’m sorry.” Jareth mumbled.

“Forgiven.”

“No, I’m sorry for earlier. I shouldn’t get glitter in food. That’s bad. And for letting goblins get in your underwear and then dumping them out.”  
  
“Mm..Thanks for apologizing. I forgive you.” Sarah had slowly began to lay down. “Sorry for yelling.”

“Apology accepted.” He mumbled. His eyes had fallen shut and his breathing was beginning to even out.

“Hey, Jareth. New friend?” Sarah’s posture mimicked Jareth’s.  
  
“Yes?”

“I wish for a million dollars.”

He mustered up enough energy for a small chuckle. “No.”

“Fine.”

Then they both fell asleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jareth was the first to wake up in the morning. The sun shone directly on his face and he very quickly became aware that he was hungover and had was in terrible pain. He  gently touched his cheek and remembered the punch that KO'd him. Slowly he sat up. The apartment was quiet and empty and Sarah was asleep on the sofa across from him. The place was also a mess. He could see that Sarah had cleaned up the table but the kitchen was disastrous and furniture wasn’t in its proper place. He stood up. The least he could do was clean. He rolled his wrist and a crystal danced into existence. He tossed it in the air and let it fall and shatter on the ground. As it hit the furniture jumped back to its original layout, the dishes were cleaned, and everything tidied itself up. Jareth smiled at Sarah’s sleeping form. “Until next time, friend!” Then he disappeared.

 

And landed in the Bog of Eternal Stench.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who read this fic, commented, gave kudos, and were just in general lovely encouraging people. I'd love to hear any last comments you guys have. As of right now (May 28/2015) I'm working on a second, unrelated fic. So that may be posted in the future.


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